- Your Highlight on Location 550-551 | Added on Saturday, July 2, 2016
“It probably gets pretty lonely to be Grandma, don't you think?” I told her,
“It probably gets pretty lonely to be anyone.”
I needed to do something, like sharks, who die if they don't swim, which I know about.
Grandma believes in God, but she doesn't believe in taxis, so I bled on my shirt on the bus.
sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all of the lives I'm not living.
there's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.
I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out
I was I worried about her, putting all of her life into her life story, no, I was so happy for her, I remembered the feeling she was feeling, the exhilaration of building the world anew, I heard from behind the door the sounds of creation, the letters pressing into the paper, the pages being pulled from the machine, everything being, for once, better than it was and as good as it could be, everything full of meaning,
felt suddenly shy. I was not used to shy. I was used to shame. Shyness is when you turn your head away from something you want. Shame is when you turn your head away from something you do not want.
When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did. Where the smoke from a chimney ended. How an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table. I spent my life learning to feel less.
When I looked at you, my life made sense. Even the bad things made sense. They were necessary to make you possible.